just come out here and I will go home with you...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize