At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Shame - the story of my life.
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