Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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