Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
