Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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