i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Randomize
