o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
