I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
