wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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