i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
