we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
