I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
