i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
