i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sext me about skeletons
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
