his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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