i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
