We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
