WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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