FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
