doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
