ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
