I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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