its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
