Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
