my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
