he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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