Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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