well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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