she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
