Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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