how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
