we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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