He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
