dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it glows. i had to have it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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