i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
