we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
