You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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