Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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