i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
