Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
