You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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