Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
