I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
