Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
