with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Success! We fucked roommates!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
