After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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