I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
