So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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