I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
