These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
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