I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Where is the hickey?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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