neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
