Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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