...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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