when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
