I heard we made out
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
