Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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