Got a toothbrush?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Help. Why am I so naked?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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