Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
