I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i now understand why vodka
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
