One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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