In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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