I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
