he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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