do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
