I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
