He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I got inside last night via doggy door
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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