I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
