A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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